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The Demon Zipper, Unfettered Feet, and... Immovable Boobs
Iggy: After a relaxing evening in the lush, green city of Upland, Mph, Alex, and I came back to our humble abode expecting more R 'n' R. This was not to be the case. As soon as we step inside, our ears are gang raped by the sounds of the Pussycat Dolls telling us how much we wished our girlfriends were freaks like them. This is where I made the mental note that I still needed a girlfriend, and that my life would be incomplete until I had unprotected sex with as many partners as possible. Mph and I raced to the back of the apartment to stake our claim on the bathroom (amazing how animal instincts can take over the most "sophisticated" of humans when they really need to urinate). However, we were stopped by two girls in bridesmaids dresses, one of them only halfway dressed. The reason? Her zipper was caught...ON ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It wouldn't go up, even though we could pull the two pieces of fabric together. After much tugging and pinching and pulling, we finally stopped fighting and focused on the zipper. We gave up after ten minutes, when we realized that we still needed to pee. So we peed. Not together. That would be gross. After we both finished and went into the living room, we were called back to help The Amazing Zipper Girl remove her dress, since the zipper would no longer come down. If I were a man or a lesbian, this would have been the highlight of my evening. Oh well- you win some, you lose some.
Mph:
I was supposed to respond to that, but quite frankly, I don't want to.
Under the table, my foot accidentally (accidentally, I say) stepped on Iggy's foot. How can you step on someone's foot when you are both sitting down??? Well, I just did. Clearly, I have offended her (greatly) because she just said she is going to kill me.
I am now being yelled at. I looked at her computer screen (which is actually my computer for Pete's sake) and she went ballistic. I am wondering whether I ought to be worried (she just screamed, "worship me!", you see). Well, we have learned that Iggy is incredibly strange. Great goodness. I am the normal one (there is a good chance I am lying).
After that whole ordeal with the accidental footsy playing (mentioned in the second paragraph), she just bumped my foot under the table. I feel as though I should be as offended as she was (act dramatically insulted and violated), but... I am not. I don't really care at all.
Iggy: I find it funny that she is so obsessed with my feet. I think she has a secret foot fetish. And she needs to move her boobs.
Mph: What boobs?
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Welcome to our big world where fantasy and reality collide. You won't necessarily be able to tell which is which. But that's the fun in it. We are taking the road less traveled and therefore, there is no possible way for you to know what it going to happen next.
... We also like vegan cookies. A LOT.
- Mph & Ignition (Iggy)
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